Baby Names

Jessica's doctor asked her what she was going to name her baby. When she said River, the doctor said, "She's going to get made fun of with a name like that" or something along that line. He was very abrupt about it, but he was just speaking his mind. I don't think he meant to be unkind, although it came across that way.

I said something like, "Well, she's going to be a really cool kid, so no one will think of making fun of her name." I also told him the obvious--ever since River Song on Dr. Who (don't watch it but Jessica is a fan), the name has become much more popular.

     One of your first decisions concerning your baby usually takes place before the child is ever born, and that is choosing a name. The name you choose is the one that he will live with for a lifetime, so the name should be chosen with care.

     How do parents choose names? Here are some considerations.

    Biblical names. From Moriah to Bethany to Micah to David to Jordan, some parents choose biblical mountains, rivers, cities and people after which to name their children.

     Family names. Some children are names after a favorite relative. Others carry their father’s names or have their father’s names as their middle names. Some are given their mother’s maiden name as a first or middle name.

     Ethnic names. Names such as Raul, Kelem, Jose and Sven are names used by different nationalities. Parents may select ethnic names to help their children have pride in their heritage.

     Meaning.  Some people still choose names according to meanings or may names their children Faith, Charity or Hope after character traits.

     Popular names. These change over the years. For example, compare the popular names from the year I was born with 2014.

1962:

Michael    Lisa

David      Mary

John       Susan

James     Karen

Robert    Linda

Mark      Patricia

William   Donna

Richard  Cynthia

Thomas  Deborah

Jeffrey    Sandra

 I knew several people with each of these names growing up.

2014

Jackson  Sophia   

Aiden     Emma

Liam      Olivia

Lucas     Ava

Noah      Isabella

Mason    Mia

Ethan     Zoe

Caden    Lily

Jacob     Emily

Logan    Madelyn

What should you consider when choosing a name?

• Will the name still fit the child when he or she is an adult?
• How does the name sound with your last name? Does the whole name flow?
• What are the initials? For instance, when we adopted our twins, we kept their Haitian names, Fredlin and Frednise, as their middle names. We matched their American first names Haitian style, Kaleb and Kayla (Unfortunately we realized too late that it's hard to tell those names apart when they're said. With one ending in an "a" and one with a "b" you wouldn't think that is a problem, but it is). That makes their initials KFC. Sharing initials with a fried chicken restaurant isn't too bad, but other combinations might be, so check the initials.
• Do you like the name? Choose a name you like without pressure from others. Don’t feel pressured into naming your child Alfred Henry VII just because the name has been used for generations. Whoever chose the name for the first time liked it. That doesn’t mean that you favor the name. One way to avoid the problem is to say, “We’ve already picked the name, but we’re keeping it a secret until the baby is born.” 
• Will the name be a problem for your child? Most children don't like to be different. Think back to when you were in school and the same was probably true. You wore (or wanted to wear) the same clothes, watch the same TV shows etc to fit in. Don't make the name so unusual that it singles the child out.

     The name you choose is your first gift to your baby. Choose the name with care.

What were the popular names when you were born? When your children were born? How did you chose the names for your children? 

Do One Thing

Back when I started this blog a few weeks ago I mentioned the importance of just doing one thing. If you follow Pinterest or craft and homemaking blogs, you've seen they are flooded with elaborate decorations, gifts, food and crafts to make for the holidays. What I figure is that the people who have time to do all that either run full speed night and day, have no life or just aren't human. 

For me, if I can't buy it at the dollar store, I don't need it. Okay, not really. But close. The best part of holidays is shared memories and time together. If those two things involve making crafts, decorating or cooking and baking, fine. But if it's not fun, then why do it? If every project turns into a family feud, you probably need to re evaluate those projects.

Don't try to do it all. You don't really need to make wrapping paper when you can get it at the dollar store. The packages don't have to look professionally wrapped. Use a gift bag (dollar store again) and save stress. 

If you want to bake cookies from scratch, help yourself. But it's easier to buy the ready-to-bake cookies and let the kids decorate them.

Don't try to do it all. Do one thing and have fun at it.

Which one can you do this week?

• Bake cookies and decorate them. Give half to someone else.
• Read a Thanksgiving or Christmas picture book--even if your kids are older.
• Build a nativity scene from graham crackers. (On my list to do)
• Make turkeys from cupcakes for place settings for Thanksgiving (see my girls blog HERE)

• Visit one elderly church or family member.
• Take one tag from one tree from the many places that have them each year--Walmart, Salvation army, churches, Angel Tree OR pack one shoe box.
• Attend one concert,  play or Christmas program (unless you have children in more than one).
• Drive around the community and see who has Christmas lights up already.
• Take a long walk in the crisp air or play outside. Last year we had Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving Eve. So on Thanksgiving Day we grilled on the beach and played catch.

• Give everyone five slips of paper and have them write one thing they are thankful for on each one. Read them at Thanksgiving.
• Play a game.

• Light sparklers after dark and talk about how Jesus is the light of the world and how your family can share that light.

Starting and maintaining holiday traditions and having holiday spirit is good. But only when it draws you closer together as a family and benefits others.

What traditions do you have? What ones do you want to start?

The Importance of Christmas Traditions

Sharing this article I had in a magazine for parents of teens a couple of years ago because I think there are some good ideas in it. If you have some favorite traditions of your own, please share them in the comment section.

The Importance of Christmas Traditions

     When you remember your childhood Christmases, what comes to mind? A traditional family dinner? A gift exchange with cousins? Caroling and cookie baking? Christmas traditions are an important part of family life and can be used to show teens the real meaning of Christmas.

     Traditions show what is most important.

     While many traditions revolve around church—like attending the Christmas Eve services or special programs, or reading the Christmas story from the Bible each year, not all meaningful Christmas traditions take place in church.

     For the DeAngulo family, sharing with others is one of their most meaningful traditions. "One thing we do every year is help a family who is feeling a financial hurt," says Jeanne DeAngelo. "We do the twelve days of Christmas. We type up a poem that rhymes with the item we have for the family. Example: On the first day of Christmas someone gave to me a box of my favorite tea! Then we put a box of seasonal tea bags in a gift bag with the poem attached to the outside."

     The family waits until dark and delivers the gift without being seen.

     The next night a gift is added. "On the second day of Christmas some friends gave to me two free oil changes and a box of my favorite tea." The DeAngelo family then leaves two gift certificates for oil changes. This continues for twelve days with the same family receiving a new gift each night.

    "On Christmas Eve we give the final package and make it something really like $100 gift certificate to Walmart and a dozen donuts. We never reveal who we are. There are fun times and lots of memories!" says Jeanne who feels the tradition takes the emphasis off of themselves and lets them focus on others.

Traditions define the family.

     Traditions that are passed down through the generations provide a sense of family. These unique happenings may center on a family's cultural heritage, beliefs, or lifestyle.

     Jean Wise says, "My parents had three sets of tiny wooden shoes they put on the tree each year. One my dad brought back from Holland in the 30s, and the other two were from vacations. We added a small set for each child and had their names engraved. As they marry we give a pair to the spouse. When my first grandchild was born earlier this month, my daughter said, 'We need a new set of shoes for the tree.'" They are now the fourth generation to carry on this tradition."

Traditions ensure time spent together.

     Holidays are a time for togetherness whether spent with immediate family decorating the tree or by having a large gathering of extended family members.

     Bill and Christina Wyatt spend part of the holiday with both their families. Bill's family comes over for Christmas Eve dinner and opens presents. Then the Wyatts and their four children go to Christina's mother's home where they stay up late wrapping presents and watching A Christmas Story.

     "There are children in every room," Christina says.  "On Christmas morning the kids are allowed to eat whatever they wish and we have a present opening frenzy just after they get into their stockings."

Traditions give a sense of family or belonging.

     Special Christmas activities are another way of bringing everyone close. Sometimes traditions develop among certain family members as with Eva Marie Everson and her daughter who hosted a Mother-Daughter Christmas tea for several moms and teens when the daughter was a teen. "It meant we had to work together on a project that was just as important to her as to me. We decorated the house together, prepared the menu together, came up with fun mother/daughter games. Every one dressed up, gifts were exchanged and the Christmas Story was read. It's a special mother/daughter memory during an often tumultuous time that will forever be remembered. Now, I have a 12 year old in my home and I'm thinking, 'Maybe we should do that again!"

Traditions give a sense of security, continuity and comfort.

     Traditions that are observed year after year give a sense of stability whether it's making the same kind of Christmas cookies or choosing a name from an Angel Tree. No matter what changes take place as children grow up or things within the family and economy change, these traditions remain.

     The Christmas tree in Tim and Teresa Cleary’s house is decorated with photo ornaments for each year of their children’s lives. “My children enjoyed watching themselves grow up as each new ornament was added,” said Teresa Cleary, mother of three. “When I started running out of room on my tree, I decided that high school graduation would be the cut off point for new photo ornaments. It was a sad decision, but each child knows that those ornaments will be theirs when they have families of their own.”  

Starting a New Tradition

    Don't have many traditions? It's not too late to start. The best traditions are ones that everyone can take part in and that are enjoyable for all.

     The traditions can start with when and how Christmas decorations are put up and last through Christmas day or even beyond. Traditions may include special church services or programs or community events such as a Christmas parade or meal at the homeless shelter during the holidays.

     When starting a new tradition, ask yourself:

What would help my family focus on the parts of Christmas that are most important to us?

What activities would allow us to serve others?

What tradition would reinforce our family's uniqueness?

What is meaningful to each family member?

What would allow us to spend quality time together?

What traditions would be simple enough that we could do them yearly with little stress?

     Ask your teens for their input. Something that might seem trivial or too young to you might appeal to them. Our family's tradition was that each child received a Christmas book on Thanksgiving. Recently the children decided they were too old for this and we decided to build gingerbread houses instead. It's something that each child from elementary age to teen could take part in, with the boys building one and the girls another. Everyone enjoyed the challenge of keeping the walls standing and decorating the houses with individuality.

     Traditions are an important part of Christmas. If you don't already have a favorite one, start a new one this year.

     If you think teens don't care about traditions, just try changing one. They enjoy traditions more than they might let on. Here are some favorites from teens.

     Putting the tree up together as a family and baking and decorating tons of Christmas cookies with my mom and big sister. Elyssa, 13

     My favorite tradition is a sibling gift exchange. We draw the names on Thanksgiving and try to keep it a secret who we are buying for. Jessica, 17

     My favorite tradition is the Christmas Eve gathering at our house with my mom’s side of the family. She’s one of seven children so when everyone gets together it’s a crowd. We have “cousin time” in the basement while the adults are upstairs. Steven, 19

      On Thanksgiving Day we take a family picture that we use for our Christmas card. It's fun trying to get the perfect picture. Sarah, 16

     Need a new tradition? Here are some simple ones you can start this year.

• Donate time to a charity. Serve at the homeless shelter or deliver food baskets.
• Make your own holiday cards—everyone takes part.
• Take a Christmas picture each year in the same location so you can see how much each child or teen grows.
• Deliver baked goods to friends or shut ins as a family.
• Burn a CD of your favorite Christmas songs. Play it each year as you open gifts.
• Give a turkey or ham to a needy family.
• Invite a local military family or group of college students to watch a holiday movie.
• Drive around town and try to find the most extravagant light display and the most meaningful light display. Or have a Christmas display scavenger hunt.

What are some traditions that have been fun and meaningful for your family?

Christmas Music Playing, Air Conditioner Blasting

It's November 6th. Yesterday it was 84 degrees and we had the a/c blasting. Partly because it was hot out and partly because my pregnant daughter overheats easily. 

Each day brings Christmas a day closer and the birth of our granddaughter a day closer. Due date is January 1.

With Christmas less than two months away, I'm going to post some of the Christmas articles I've written over the years.

Here are some really simple ideas on how to take the stress out of the holidays.

     We want the holidays to meaningful for our families, but it’s easy to become overwhelmed-- and over committed. The many meaningful activities make it hard to say “no.” There’s the food drive for the needy, the toy drive for children of inmates or foster children, the children’s musical the school parties to bake for, the office party…

     Here are some steps to help you organize and take the stress out of your holidays.

     Keep a calendar. Start right now! Write down expected activities. Include shopping trips, time to wrap presents and address Christmas cards.

     Tiffany Wilhemen, mother of four says, “I write down all the activities on a calendar. If an activity comes up and one is already written on the calendar we sit down and talk about which one to do. We limit ourselves to one activity a day and no more than three events in a week. Writing them down helps us prioritize our Christmas activities.”

     Start early.  Do what you can now before the Christmas rush begins. Address Christmas cards and set them aside. Shop clearance racks for gifts, wrap them and set them aside.

     Valerie Miller, mother of two school age children says, “I start shopping in July and I do a lot of home made stuff so I have the whole year to do it. I have a box that’s just for Christmas presents. When I buy a gift I put the person’s name on it and put it in the box. I always buy my Christmas cards after Christmas  a year ahead when they are 75% off. I never pay more than $2.00 a box.”

     Keep activities age appropriate. As much as you want to introduce your children to special activities, a five year old will not sit still for The Nutcracker and your ten year old won’t appreciate a full performance of The Messiah no matter how well it’s performed. Choose the library story hour or rent a children’s Christmas classic instead. Hire a favorite baby-sitter and rent a favorite movie for the children when you are attending adult activities unsuitable for children. You’ll enjoy the party more and your children won’t have to act like miniature adults.

     Be selective in your social activities. There are a multitude of family gatherings, office parties, church get togethers and other events during the holiday season. Consult your calendar and schedule only parties that won’t overload your schedule. It’s stressful trying to attend the office party after attending your child’s school concert. What usually happens is that everyone is in such a hurry that arguments break out and no one has a good time.

     “Christmas has become kind of a selfish time in our family,” says Teresa Cleary, writer and mother of three. “We used to throw lots of big parties, go to friends’ houses and so on. It was too taxing emotionally and physically -- too much rich food and late meals. We have scaled our Christmas back in the last two years. We accept few invitations, hold no big parties and generally try to make Christmas time a family time.”

     Avoid over commitment. Again, this is where the calendar is handy. Baking cookies for school, making angel ornaments for the church cantata, sewing a shepherd’s costume and collecting canned goods all take time. Each activity seems easy in itself but added together they require a large time commitment. Only say yes to what you have time for. Schedule a day to do each project and don’t feel guilty about saying no.  As worthy as each project is, your first priority is your family.

     Julie Bradbury, mother of three, often finds herself over committed because her husband’s job carries a lot of responsibility. “If there are school activities, we choose them over the office obligations,” Julie says. “The kids know that we support them. They see us go to their activities so when we do have to go to a office function instead of one of their activities they understand and they’ve never complained.”

     “When things become hectic the kids help out. They’re involved in the planning and it makes them feel important and part of what goes on,” Julie says.

     Cut back on the extras. Don’t let tradition dictate your activities. Instead of preparing a whole meal for your extended family, ask each person to bring something such as pie, rolls, cranberries and so on. Put up a few less decorations this year or cut back on the baking. Your children will remember the fun time they spent on your lap hearing Christmas stories read more than they’ll remember the dress you spent hours sewing or the fancy nativity on the lawn.

     Schedule special family times. Leave plenty of free evenings for popping popcorn and watching Christmas reruns. Ask your children to suggest some special things they’d like to do during the holiday season. Be sensitive to the needs of your children and try to plan meaningful activities for each of them. If you do have extra baking you need to do, plan extra time and let your children help.

     “Even in the busiest part of the holidays I make sure we spend at least three or four nights home just doing the fun stuff together -- making Christmas cookies, popping popcorn and watching Frosty the Snowman, playing games or reading books,” says Tiffany Wilhemen. “What fun is Christmas if my children get lost in the shuffle?”

     Keep sleep and eating habits as normal as possible. This is especially important for younger children. With so many parties and social events, it’s easy for them to fill up on sugary treats. This can make them irritable or over-active. Monitor sleeping time. A child with too many sugary treats and too little sleep will not function well or enjoy the holidays fully. Keep an infant’s schedule as normal as possible.

     “I’m a fanatic about nutrition,” says Julie Bradbury. “When we are going to a party at night we eat ahead. We have a nutritious meal before going. The kids eat at the party but they make good choices.”

     Keep the meaning of Christmas central. It’s easy to lose sight of what really matters while rushing to parties, baking, and shopping. Plan activities or quiet times for reflection. Focus on what's really important.

     Start planning now to have a fun, organized holiday season.

What stresses you the most about the holidays?
What is one thing you could remove that would make your holiday more stress free?

Baby Wearing

I've talked about teens the last couple of posts, so today I'm posting about baby wearing. This is an article I did a few years ago. Some of you may have even given me quotes for this article. Read it and see if you agree.

 Leave your comments in the comment section. I am offering this book to the first person to leave a truly helpful and informative comment. You must have a U.S. mailing address not AK or HI.

Baby Wearing

     You want your baby near you, but you have wash dishes and tidy the house. He's not ready for a nap, although you are.  And really, you're happier when you have your baby close. The solution? Baby wearing. While this has been done in other countries since the beginning of time, it's newer to the United States.

      Parents have found that wearing their babies in slings and other carries has many advantages. Babies who are carried cry less. A team of pediatricians did a study in Montreal and found that carried babies cry 43% less. 
     If your infant is fussy, try carrying her more often throughout the day, not just in response to her cries. "My daughter rarely fusses when worn. It's like she forgets to fuss because she's right by me where all the action is," says Tara Krey.

     Baby wearing allows close contact with your child. Extra bonding takes place when baby is body to body with mom or dad. "When baby wearing I am able to nourish, comfort, and spend quality time with my daughter, all while completing whatever I need to get done throughout my day," says Krey. Pam Arndorfer agrees. "I love having the option of 'holding' my baby or child even when I'm busy. I love the comfort and security that they have from being worn."

      Babies who are worn learn from being engaged in activities. Rather than being put in a crib or playpen while mom does her daily tasks, these babies are right there watching from their front row seat. The sling also frees mom's hands to accomplish more.

      "I 'wore' all four of my children in a maya wrap ring sling," says veteran mom Jenee O'Carroll. "The most unusual thing I did while wearing my baby was bowl with my baby sleeping happily in the sling. I have done quite a bit of hiking, lawn mowing and gardening with a baby on my front, back or side."

     Tara Krey also has a list of what she's accomplished while wearing baby. "I have gone to the fireworks, gone out to eat, attended a Breastfeeding Walk, finished the dishes, done laundry, made the beds, vacuumed, etc, all while my baby was right along with me watching what I was doing."

     Sarah Anderson, mother of a toddler, has found her sling to be a lifesaver when she needed both hands free. "At the family reunion this summer my husband and I were the only ones with a toddler who could go through the line together because my son was in the ring sling. It's also very handy for rummage sales when you don't want to carry a heavy toddler around."

     There are many great wearable baby carriers available. It's important to find one that works well for you and to wear it properly so that it's comfortable for both you and baby.  When choosing a carrier you'll need to keep in mind:
The size of the person wearing the carrier.

The age and weight of the baby.

The planned activity.

            Soft structured carriers, such as Snugli or Baby Bjorn are one of the more popular choices. They easily fasten to the wearer's body with clips or buckles. These carriers are usually padded but the baby's weight is exclusively on the wearers shoulders and the baby's groin. This may become uncomfortable as the baby gains weight.

            One-shouldered sling style carriers are also popular and versatile. They can be used for newborns as well as older babies depending on how you position the child. Since all of the babies weight is on one shoulder, it's not good to use these for long periods of time as it can push your spine out of balance or cause injuries.

            A baby wrap, consisting of a piece of woven or stretchy material may be the most versatile carrier. The wrap may be from 4 to 15 feet long and can be used to carry babies in many different positions--front, back or hip. It takes practice to learn how to tie the wrap, but once you've found your favorite way, the freedom is rewarding.

            Some baby carriers, such as Mei-teis, consist of a piece of cloth that goes over the baby's back and ties over the parent's shoulders and around the waist.
            Which carrier you use should be determined by which one most comfortable allows you to have your baby close and still have your hands free to accomplish other things.

Why Mealtime with Your Teen Matters

This is an article I had in a parenting magazine a while back. I quoted some of you in this article :)  

What is the evening meal like at your house? Is there a mad rush to be done and off to different activities? Does everyone microwave his or her own food at different times and eat separately? Do you sit down together to eat and share daily events?

     When your children were little, you probably made sure that everyone ate together. You realized that this was important for your youngsters. You knew your little ones would eat more nutritiously, learn table manners, take turns talking, improve their vocabulary by listening to others and keep in touch with other family members.

     As your children grew older, soccer practice, piano lessons, cheerleading practice, marching band, sports competitions, and part time jobs were added to the schedule. You may find there are activities every night of the week that interfere with being together at dinnertime.

     Family mealtime may not seem so important now that your children are teens. After all, they know how to talk, and they've learned their manners and all the other things that were so important when they were young. However, it is still important to have that family connection.

Hindrances to Family Meals

     Teens have activities to do and friends to hang out with. Many teens have part time jobs that take them away from home during the late afternoon and evening hours.

     "As our children have gotten older and all of our schedules have gotten busier, finding time to sit down together for a family dinner occurs less often. Someone is usually at a sports practice, voice lesson or working overtime. We usually have dinner with everyone together only 2-4 times a week On other days, it's usually still a sit-down meal, but there are less of us there to enjoy it," says Teresa Cleary, mother of two teens still at home.

     This is pretty typical for the family with teens. Some days family members may be missing. Or, it may be that everyone eats at a separate time, fixing or heating up his or her own food.

     While parents list conflicting schedules as the biggest hindrance to eating together, some teens avoid the family meal out of a desire for autonomy, a dislike of the foods served or to avoid conflicts within the family. These are situations that need to be fixed before a successful mealtime can take place.

   The Importance of Family Meals for Teens

     Eating together has a lot of important benefits according to several recent studies. Teens who eat with their families have better mental health overall. They are less likely use alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs, have sex, get into trouble at school, and are at lower risk for suicide.

     Part of the reason may be that families who are more connected in the first place are those most likely to make family meals a priority. They are the parents who value together time and who know where their children are at if they aren't at home. But the family meal still remains a primary factor in influencing children. The more times a family is able to eat together during the week, the greater the feeling of being cared for and being part of a unit. A teen who regularly talks with his parents is more likely to seek them out when confronted with problems or facing conflicting values.

     "Routine and tradition help children feel secure," says Catherine Yoder, mother of children ages 17, 14, 14, 12 and 6. "It is a time to share news, teach manners and spend time together. Mealtimes are our most regular time together."

     The Project EAT (Eating Among Teens) team at the University of Minnesota's School of Public Health has done extensive research into the benefits of family meals. They have found that besides the feelings of connectedness which family meals promote, they also promote positive dietary intake. Research showed teens that ate frequently with the family had higher fruit, vegetable and calcium intake than their peers who prepared their own meals or ate alone. There was also significantly less soda consumed. These teens had less unhealthy weight gain and fewer eating disorders.

 Accomplishing the Family Meal

    "I used to think life was busy when my children were little…I was wrong," says Teresa Clearly. "As they grow up, they have their own commitments that have to fit into the family schedule of events. There are always choices about what has to go and what gets to stay. The decisions are never easy and compromise is the order of the day."

     Many families are frustrated when hectic lifestyles prevent family meals. Eating together every night is probably an unrealistic goal. Striving for it and missing leads to feelings of failure or guilt. A more realistic goal would be to spend at least 30 minutes together at a meal 4 to 5 times a week.  This amount of time still provides the benefits of family connectedness, improved nutrition and keeping up to date on each others lives. It's also 4 or 5 times when you know where everyone in your family is at.

     If it's hard to make time for this, stop and look at schedules. Are family members trying to do too much? Are there some activities that can be dropped to allow more free time? If your teen is on the go every evening, his stress level may be higher than you realize. Taking time out to be together can provide a buffer for his busy life.

     " It was difficult to work around the schedules at times, but the weekends
seemed the easiest days to be together," says Leesa Chick, mother of two grown children. "Sunday was a sacred day so we either went out as a family or I cooked and we ate together. When the girls started dating, their boyfriends would come and seemed to enjoy it too. Several of the boyfriends did not eat with their families so were particularly happy to join in. It helped that the girls enjoyed the time as did their friends."

     Simply sitting at a table together doesn't mean that the food is nutritious or the time together is positive. Those things have to be worked at. Let everyone help plan the weekly menu. Challenge them to find ways to get in enough servings of vegetables. Set guidelines for mealtime conversation such as a "no knock" policy where no one can say anything critical about anyone else. Avoid dealing with individual problems.

     "Communicating with one another is what we did most at our
meals," says Leesa Chick. "You find out more about your children when you are sitting down eating than at any other time. Their guard seems to be down and if they feel like they can talk without judgment then they will."

     Teresa Cleary agrees, "We go over everyone's day and let everyone know about upcoming events. The most important part is the conversation and connection time."

     You might need to eat early before your teen leaves for his part time job. Perhaps you will eat later after the soccer game. Maybe breakfast is the best time for your family to be together. The important thing is being together, communicating, sharing values and being an important part of each other's lives

Strategies for Family Mealtime:

·        Make family meals a priority.

·        Involve teens in buying and preparing the food.

·        Keep meals simple and nutritious--work fruits, vegetables, grains and calcium into the meals.

·        Have a positive, fun atmosphere.

·        Avoid conflicts.

Topics for family discussion:

·        The best part of everyone's day.

·        Plans for summer vacation.

·        How to celebrate birthdays this year.

·        A movie everyone has seen.

·        Current events.

·        Values- "How do you feel about…"

Do  you have a mealtime strategy that works? Share it in the comment section. Do you have mealtime challenges? Share those too!

Choose Your Battles

This is an article I wrote a Christian parenting magazine. Maybe the ideas will help a parent decide what things are worth enforcing.

     Parenting battles are part of life, and those battles change as children get older. An important part of parenting is choosing your battles carefully. There are many things you want your teen to do or not do, but trying to enforce all of them is overwhelming both to you and your child. Stand firm on those things that involve your teen's health or safety, are part of your values system and that will help your child become a productive citizen.

Young Teens

     The same types of rules are important at each stage of your child's life, but the younger the teen, the more necessary it is that rules are spelled out clearly and the consequences in place.

     Children of this age are starting to assert their independence from their parents, while imitating their friends' actions and styles. It's easy to get into battles over clothing and hair, social media or schoolwork. Although it may be hard to give in on these issues, choose to enforce rules that are about values, safety and learning to be responsible. Young teens need freedom within strictly set boundaries.

     Respect is a must. This includes respect for parents, teachers and other authorities. It also includes respect for peers, siblings and property or possessions.

     Young teens may feel they need to start dating, but interactions with the opposite sex at this age are best limited to group and school activities. Pairing off with little supervision isn't something they are ready for.

     Young teens still need to be supervised. Friends shouldn't be invited over when there's no adult home, nor should they go to a friend's house where there is no supervision. Wandering the mall unsupervised also is not a good idea.

     Limited screen time—computers, iPads and other media—allows your child time to interact with family, complete chores and school work and get enough sleep. Have your child's passwords so you can monitor his activity, and keep computers and iPads in an area of the house that is monitored. Collect cell phones before homework time or at bedtime.

Middle Teens

     At this age teens have the means to be more independent. They may have a part-time job and a driver's license. More of their time is spent away from home in places where parents don't control the environment. A balance of offering guidance and allowing them enough freedom to make their own mistakes and gains is important.

     Avoid battles about clothing and hair styles but insist on modesty, cleanliness and decency. Hair that's longer than you'd like on your son or that has a streak of pink on your daughter isn't nearly as important as that it's clean and combed--as long as it doesn't represent an attitude problem or rebellion.

At this age, drivers are still inexperienced and having rules about passengers in the car and how late your teen can drive will help him have a better chance of being accident or ticket free.

Rules for dating and hanging out with friends need to be in place. The rules may vary by situation and responsibility—you can be out later because you're at a school event, or you've been home on time every night so you can stay out an hour later than usual. Make sure you know where your teen is in the evening hours. Even "good kids" can get into trouble when not held accountable. Completing chores and homework need to be a prerequisite for driving and dating.

Older Teens

     Your older teen may suddenly decide he's adult and can do what he wants. But if he lives under your roof, he needs to be willing to follow the rules that will keep him safe and on the road to successfully living on his own.

     Your older teen should be actively involved in making plans for his future. While you can guide him and help him find out where to get applications and when they are due, completing and submitting them are his responsibility.

     If your teen seems more interested in hanging out with friends than filling out scholarship forms or applications, you may have to sit down and make a list of things that must be done and when.

     At this age hopefully your teen will be abstaining from drugs, alcohol and wrong relationships not only because of your rules, but because it's part of his own personal values. If you see warning signs that things are going on that shouldn't be, don't be afraid to confront him. Help your teen understand both the pitfalls of wrong choices.

     There are many parenting battles that will be fought over the years as your child journeys from infancy to adulthood. Trying to fight every battle will leave you exhausted. Focus on the things that are most important as you guide your child through life.