Quick Tips: Beating the Winter Blues

Life Coach and International Speaker Anita Agers-Brooks is the author of many books including Getting Through What You Can't Get Over -- Barbour Publishing and First Hired, Last Fired -- How to Become Irreplaceable in Any Job Market -- Leafwood Publishers. Here are her insights on beating the winter blues. 

Beating the Winter Blues

You can get through things you’ll never get over, even during the most depressing month of the year. In January, when Christmas bills are flooding in, when cold and flu season peaks, when the sun hides behind dingy clouds, when cabin fever makes you want to escape, depression runs high. This year, refuse to let the winter blues beat you down.

Here are some things to try. 

Mind

• Set one tiny goal, and accomplish it. 
• Write your gratitude down. 
• Schedule one thing you can look forward to within the next 30 days.

Body 

• Eat natural anti-depressants: cashews, walnuts, bananas, green chile, sweet potatoes, citrus fruit, tomatoes, Chia seeds, and omega-3 rich fish. 
• Go to bed at a proper hour. 
• Get moving.

Spirit 

• Read the Bible daily.
• Meditate on one scripture.
• Give God fifteen minutes of focused prayer.

You can connect with Anita on her website

or her author page

Have you battled the winter blues or depression? What helped you? Please leave a comment.

Getting Through the Holiday When You Don't Want to Get Out of Bed

Yesterday I shared my thoughts on the holiday blues. Today you get to hear from a pro. 

Life Coach and International Speaker Anita Agers-Brooks is the author of many books including

Amazon Best Seller, Golden Scroll Finalist, and Readers' Favorite Award winner: Getting Through What You Can't Get Over -- Barbour Publishing and First Hired, Last Fired -- How to Become Irreplaceable in Any Job Market -- Leafwood Publishers. Here are her insights on making it through the holidays. 

Getting Through the Holidays When You Don’t Want to Get Out of Bed

Sadly, not everyone sees Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s as the most wonderful time of the year. For these, the holidays are triggers for past trauma, grief, or tragedy. Even if they make it through the onslaught of office parties and family gatherings, the approach of January can smother them with daunting emotions. Why January?

Some experts have deemed the third Monday in January as Blue Monday, labeled so because it’s considered the most depressing day of the year. Perhaps it’s the holiday bills coming in, the winter weather holding us hostage indoors, the loss of strength to our immune systems, or simply having more time alone with our memories and thoughts that get us down. Regardless of the catalyst, a large percentile of the global population suffers from anxiety, depression, and/or PTSD in the winter months. So how do you combat the dreaded black clouds associated with Blue Monday and other depressive dates? What can help you get out of bed when you want to pull the covers over your head?

Through my own personal experiences, and those of people I interviewed for my book, Getting Through What You Can’t Get Over, I found several practical helps that really work. But one of the simplest and most powerful, is understanding the why behind your emotional state. Knowing that your feelings are normal considering the season and circumstances, that you aren’t alone, and that there are things to help you get through the next moment when taking a whole day at a time feels overwhelming, is a huge relief when you’re beating yourself up for feeling down. 

If dark clouds are moving in, if you are grieving or missing a loved one, if the holidays trigger anniversaries you wish would go away, here are seven quick tips to help you get through:

1. Eat foods proven to release mood-boosting endorphins and serotonin. Green chiles are scientifically proven, powerful anti-depressants. Add them to soups, casseroles, stews, chili, even pizza or burgers. Cashews, walnuts, bananas, citrus fruit, blueberries, celery, and tomatoes are other good natural sources. 
2. Exercise throughout the day in one minute intervals. Sixty seconds of running in place, jumping jacks, skipping, dancing, or anything else that gets your heart rate up can help. (I suggest getting a physician’s approval first.)
3. Clean a corner of clutter. Depression, anxiety, and trauma tend to make us lethargic, and piles of disorganization often result. Once that happens, guilt adds to our depressive mood, and a cycle begins. Break the bonds by tackling a small area. Accomplishing even one small task can energize us to do more and lift our hurting spirits. 
4. If at all possible, take a twenty minute walk outside. Nature is a natural healing balm to a wounded soul. 
5. Volunteer to help an individual or organization. Give anonymously to someone in need. When we give others the gift of hope, we unwrap it for ourselves. 
6. Say no to one unhealthy thing each day, whether it’s food, a pressure someone else is putting on you that you aren’t comfortable with, or negative self-talk. Then replace it with one healthy thing, like meditation on Bible scriptures, or time to talk to God. 
7. Give yourself something to look forward to. Daily, set aside quiet time for a mineral bath, or in a place of solitude with a good book. Weekly, schedule time with a friend or family member you haven’t seen in awhile, bake your own favorite treat, go somewhere locally you’ve often thought you’d like to visit but never have. Monthly, begin a new family tradition, schedule a weekend getaway, get a pedicure, or give yourself a date-night with you — permission to relax and enjoy a movie, a book, a treat you enjoy, not something you agree to for someone else. 

Want Anita's PTSD Busting Blueberry Smoothie Recipe? E mail her at anita@anitabrooks.com and mention you read this blog post.

Holiday Blues

Starting with Black Friday, we enter the Christmas season. It's filled with shopping, family gatherings, parties, Christmas programs and more. The season is cheery and bright--only sometimes it's not. Some people suffer from the holiday blues or even depression. And they are often made to feel worse by the pressure to be happy and guilt if they don't.

But health issues, financial woes and loss can rob people of the joy of Christmas (or whichever holiday they celebrate).

My Own Story of Christmas Time Loss

My first Christmas as a wife and stepmom was unforgettable. But not for good reason. 

When I married my husband the previous July, his daughter from another marriage had been living with him at an Air Force Base in England for a year. They were part of a Bible study group, and some of the people in the group considered them their "project." Single dad. Motherless child.

So when I arrived on the scene, I messed up everything that was in place. I changed some unhealthy things that were  going on--his daughter being babied and everything handed to her because "poor thing doesn't have a mom." She had a mom. Her mom was just going through a difficult time and needed my husband to take their daughter while she got back on her feet. The daughter had learned to manipulate people like a pro at five years old. She knew how to play the motherless child role. Then the "stepdaughter with a wicked stepmother" role. They fell for it.

Meanwhile I was across the ocean from any support I might have gotten with that situation. Although I had no family or real friends there, my husband himself was very supportive.

I unexpectedly got pregnant that fall. Unexpected but certainly not unwanted. But I couldn't get excited about it. And I had no clue why. We should have been thrilled, but every time we started talking about plans, it fell flat.

Then the week before Christmas, I realized all was not well. I went to an Air Force doctor on a base about an hour away. He was told there was an emergency coming in, but when he checked me, he said I wasn't even pregnant. But to humor me, he ran a test. I was pregnant. He brushed off my concerns and sent me home.

A day or two later (don't remember exactly because this was 1988) I knew I was miscarrying. We went to the small local hospital. Big mistake. They did not believe in men being with their wives. After we checked in, my husband never knew what was happening until hours later when I came out of a D&C. When I went into the hospital, no one was there who had experience with miscarriages or who even had used the spectrum before. They finally just decided that since there was a lot of blood, I was miscarrying. I was told, "When the doctor gets back from midnight mass we'll finish your baby off." No sympathy. No anything.

It just got worse from there. I had to stay the night since it was well past midnight. My husband was not allowed to be with me in my room, and since I couldn't sleep at all, that meant a long lonely night.

Looking for a bit of sympathy the next day, I called someone from the Bible study group. I was told, "When I had my miscarriage, I got up and went to Bible study the same day." The neighbor told me, "It's a good thing you aren't having that baby. It wasn't fair to your stepdaughter for you to have a child."

Wow. Merry Christmas? Hardly. More like days of trying to grieve to myself for a child I'd never met. Put on a phony face so I didn't come under fire for not being a cheerful Christian.

This wasn't the first time I'd had the blues at Christmas and unfortunately not the last.

Holiday Blues
There are a lot of reason things may not be cheery and bright this season.

• You've tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant
• You've miscarried
• You hoped your adopted child would finally be home for this Christmas only to find out that's not happening
• You're in a failing relationship
• You're in an abusive relationship and feel trapped 
• You've gotten divorced
• You have in law problems
• Your parents are struggling and the burden has fallen to you alone
• Someone close has died
• You've moved or someone close to you has moved
• Adult children have moved away from home
• You have strained relationships with your children or other family members
• You're facing health issues
• You've lost your job or have been unable to find a job
• The bills far outweigh your income
• You're homeless

The list could go on and on

Unfortunately there's no easy cure. But there are some things you can do that might help:

• Talk to a doctor. If you have depression, you need medical help. Depression isn't the same as feeling sorry for yourself and it's not a lack of trust in God. You may need medicine. Or you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder which hits some people around this time of year.
• Talk to someone. That person might be a trained counselor, a trusted friend or members of a support group. The advantage of a support group is that it's usually free, and you'll be with people who understand what you're going through. They are unlikely to judge you.
• Be realistic about the holidays. Not everyone's life resembles a Hallmark Christmas movie. Sometimes the happy ending is years away. Accept that and prepare for it. If your in laws can't stand you the other 364 days a year, chances are things aren't going to be any better at the Christmas dinner. Either you'll spend the time being phonies or you'll spend the time throwing verbal darts at each other. Same for other situations in your life.
• Whenever possible, avoid people and places that get you down. Skip the parties if you are going to be miserable or hiding behind a mask. Instead, choose to do something positive like volunteering with an organization that's collecting food or gifts for the needy.
• Don't  worry about the stuff you can't control. Instead take charge of your own life. Make sure you are following a good routine of exercise, good nutrition and enough sleep. It's hard to fight off the blues if you're feeling run down.
• Take control of the things you can. If you are in an abuse situation, get help. If you are homeless or jobless, talk to a local pastor to find out what help is available or where you can go for the right help.
• Grieve your losses. No matter how big or small, acknowledge your losses. Give a book to the library of a gift through Angel Tree or another organization in memory of someone. Make a digital scrapbook or journal. Acknowledge your feelings.
• Focus on others. Helping others meet their needs whether for material things or companionship will distract you from your own issues or at least give you an outlet for your feelings.
• Focus on what matters. Jesus. Family. Yourself. Choose activities that emphasize those things and let the rest go.
• Look beyond the holidays. Set some goals for the new year. Learn a foreign language or sign language. Start or continue an exercise program or class. Read to school children once a week. Plan a trip and save for it. Have something to look forward to beyond the holidays.

Holiday blues and depression are real. If you're suffering, talk to someone. If you're not, be sensitive to the feelings of those around you. You might be part of the cure for someone else.

For more information:
Teen Blues
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Preventing Holiday Depression
Myths and Facts About Depression
Teenage Depression

When All Isn't Cheery and Bright

I saw this cartoon, and it hit me that in this holiday season when all is supposed to be cheery and bright, there are a lot of people who aren't looking forward to the season and who hope to just make it through. Depression can seem worse during times when we are expected to be festive, and the holidays may hold a depression of their own. I'll be talking more about that in an upcoming post.

The cartoon says "One awesome thing about Eeyore," but I think it really should say "One awesome thing about Eeyore's friends"